Off Topic

[Ataray]

Hey HG does everyone in Hell have one of those fork thingys.

[Hellish Gnome]

Dear HG,

I have another question. Sorry i'm asking alot of questions. Its just that i can't get enough of Gnomes in my daily life. Anyways i wanted to ask you. Are there gnomes who are criminals. You know like gnome serial killers and thieves? If there are, are they given time in hell jail or given death sentences?

Your killer,

Silent Hunter

Dear Silent Hunter,

Please don't apologize for asking me questions; you know they give me a ray of happiness in my otherwise bleak and pathetic life Anyway, to answer your question yes there are plenty of Gnome criminals. What happens to them, you ask? Just look at me! Why do you think I'm IN Hell?

Yours damnationingly (no, that's not a real word),

HG

[Hellish Gnome]

Hey HG does everyone in Hell have one of those fork thingys.

Dear Ataray,

Do you mean my trident? Well they are quite a popular fashion icon in Hell at the moment, but my guess is it will soon be replaced by the return tank top tend. It's a common misconception that tridents are used as torture instrument or to cast evil spells and the like, but in reality we just use them to cook mashmallows and sausages over the ever-sizzling fires of damnation. Mmm toasty.

Yours mouth-wateringly,

HG

[Ataray]

HG, do you shave?

[S1L3N7 HUN73R]

GH, are you Jewish? Does that explain your big beard? Can you actually hide stuff in it? 

[Ataray]

Hey, HG why do answer supid qustions people ask? (Like this one)

[Hellish Gnome]

HG, do you shave?

Dear Ataray,

You insult me, sir! I have never shaved in my life. Think how many great people in history have had beards: Abraham Lincoln, Charles Dickens,  Blackbeard the Pirate, Ramses the Great, Charlemagne, King Alfred, Freud, mountain goats etc. Great characters in fiction too: Captain Haddock, Dumbledore, Getafix, Santa Claus, Chewbacca, Hagar the Horrible...the list goes on! Also consider how many people without beards SUCK: Mohinder, Doctor Eggman (a.k.a. Robotnik), Hitler, maggots, Jack Thompson, Milhouse, Bill Nye the Science Guy, that dog from Duck Hunt and anyone from Mythbusters. See?

Plus you can have a beard duel. This a great tradition, you grow your beard as long as it will go and then tie a rock into the end of it and challenge someone with similar facial hair. The opponents swing their beards round and round like double-bladed swords of bristle and the first one to knock the other one unconscious is the winner. As celebration to his victory it is tradition that the champion shaves off the beard of the loser and mounts it on his wall.

 As is said in the old Spanish proverb, “Chins without beards deserve no honour.” So I hope that all the beardless people reading this replybowing their clean-shaven heads in shame.

Yours fuzzily,

HG

[Hellish Gnome]

GH, are you Jewish? Does that explain your big beard? Can you actually hide stuff in it? 

Dear Slient Hunter,

GH? Who is GH? Anyway, no I'm not Jewish; I have a long beard because beards are the single coolest thing EVER (see my previous response to Ataray for more info)! And yes, I frequently use it for storage. If portions of the food get caught in my beard while eating then when I'm peckish I can simply pick out the various bits of sardines or cornflakes that happen to be caught in there and gobble them down. Also if I feel like lending mother nature a helping hand I'll let wildlife nest in there. My record is two owls, four larks, a wren and a henall at once living in there. Not bad, eh?

Yours environmentally,

HG

[S1L3N7 HUN73R]

GH? Who is GH?

Sorry, think Ataray's Dyslexia affected me.

[Ataray]

GH? Who is GH?

Sorry, think Ataray's Dyslexia affected me.

What Dyslexia? WTF are you talking about?

[S1L3N7 HUN73R]

GH? Who is GH?

Sorry, think Ataray's Dyslexia affected me.

What Dyslexia? WTF are you talking about?

You said you were Dyslexic...oh, wait, let me refrase it for you. You said you were cixelsyd...remember?

[Ataray]

GH? Who is GH?

Sorry, think Ataray's Dyslexia affected me.

What Dyslexia? WTF are you talking about?

You said you were Dyslexic...oh, wait, let me refrase it for you. You said you were cixelsyd...remember?

I don't say I was Dyslexic, I said they thought I was Dyslexic. You idiot!

[Bloody-Death]

Dear Mythical creature from hell,

-----Do you wax any part of ur body?

--------------------------------Urs Truley, creepy, and Disgustedly thinking
----------------------------------------------------BD

[Hellish Gnome]

Dear flithy human scum,

Drop everything you're holding and prick up your disgusting unpointed ears. After a long break, Ask a Gnome is finally back to answer all your insane queries.

Ask away you worthless, pathetic human waste.

Yours affectionately,


HG

[guaxini]

if a gnome's pet duck got in a fight with a vampiric chimpanzee's pet duck how would the fight go?