Off Topic

[Hellish Gnome]

In light of all the ignorance and racism you lot have displayed regarding us gnomes, in this thread you can ask me any questions about the gnome society and gnome habbits to clear things up a little. Fire away.

[strongbad_wi]

Dear Gnome,

Just a cross-cultural question to begin with.  For quite a while I have studies drawvish society and I know drawven wmen tend to be... well... errr... bearded.  And in fact, in most dwarven clans, the silky beard is a sought after as a characteristic of an attractive female mate.  Are gnomish women bearded and if so?  Is this considered attractive?

thanks,

masked and wrestling in Wisconsin

[Hellish Gnome]

Dear Gnome,

Just a cross-cultural question to begin with.  For quite a while I have studies drawvish society and I know drawven wmen tend to be... well... errr... bearded.  And in fact, in most dwarven clans, the silky beard is a sought after as a characteristic of an attractive female mate.  Are gnomish women bearded and if so?  Is this considered attractive?

thanks,

Dear strongbad_wi

A valid question. I can understand why you wouldn't usually see Gnome Women around as we males tend to eat them as soon as the give birth to little Gnomelets. If you do happen to see a Gnome woman you'll see they don't have facial hair, but instead have thick and usually ginger chest and back hair. Other distinguishing features are that they wear floppy hats instead of pointy ones and vomit on their food before they eat it (like flies) due to their less deveolped teeth.

Regards,
HG

[Jotham_Knight]

Dear Hellish Gnome,
Recently my brother decided he to start dating a gnomish woman.  They were over for a Sunday visit and for some reason she kept mounting my dog and then running to the bathroom.  Is this normal behavior for a gnome?

From
Confused Loving Brother

[debutantejaim]

HG in the portrait of yourself (avatar) you have a tail.
Is this true of all gnomes? 


Edited to add: What is the yellow thing coming out of your hat? 

[Hellish Gnome]

Dear Hellish Gnome,
Recently my brother decided he to start dating a gnomish woman.  They were over for a Sunday visit and for some reason she kept mounting my dog and then running to the bathroom.  Is this normal behavior for a gnome?

From
Confused Loving Brother

Dear Jotham_Knight
Both genders of Gnomes love to use dog-like animals (mostly foxes) as transport. Clearly in this case your brother's date (not wishing to offend the family) used your dog to speedily gallop to the bathroom to emit the strong levels of methane that erupt from gnomes once an hour. As you can see, it was a polite gesture, as she was merely trying to avoid a situation of embarrassment with your family.

Hope this has cleared things up,

HG

[Hellish Gnome]

HG in the portrait of yourself (avatar) you have a tail.
Is this true of all gnomes? 


Edited to add: What is the yellow thing coming out of your hat? 

Dear debutantejam,

Gnomes usually have short, stubby tails. The noticeable extra length of MY tail caused me much bullying in Highschool. Why can't we be accepted for who we are? The "yellow thing" coming out of my hat is a horn. Most gnomes don;t have them, but please remember that I am a Gnome from Hell so I do.

Regards,
HG

[debutantejaim]

I know you're from hell but don't most gnomes live on grassy knolls?

[Hellish Gnome]

I know you're from hell but don't most gnomes live on grassy knolls?

I still have a home in a grassy knoll in Scotland close to my family, but I tend to spend most of my time in my apartment in Hell. I wouldn't want to commute every day.

[ras]

Dear HG,

My garden gnome keeps talking to me about travel deals and vacation packages. I’m not interested in travelling at the moment, but he is always insisting.

How can I get him to shut up? Are all gnomes that insisting?

[Hellish Gnome]

Dear HG,

My garden gnome keeps talking to me about travel deals and vacation packages. I’m not interested in travelling at the moment, but he is always insisting.

How can I get him to shut up? Are all gnomes that insisting?

Dear ras,

There are many possible motivations for this gnome attempting to sell you travel deals. Perhaps he is merely a budding young purveyor. However my guess is that the more likely reason is that we gnomes can sense trouble in the garden a mile away (kind of like rats abbandoning a sinking ship) so he is trying to warn you of this upcoming danger and get you to move away before it's too late!  

Yours,

HG

[debutantejaim]

In my opinion, gnomes are weird! A fairy is much easier on the eyes.   

[Manderlin]

Hi Gnome!  Do you mind if I don't keep my grass short?

[Hellish Gnome]

Hi Gnome!  Do you mind if I don't keep my grass short?

Gnomes are like humans; we all have different tastes! Some gnomes like it short others like it long.

[aries]

I've been wondering where have you hidden IWIWAH?